Dainty Toot

me: i just let one rip by accident

ok, not accident, on purpose
carson: haha

silent?

u have ppl sitting near you?
me: yeah, the lady in the next cubicle

silent poooof

kind of like a cotton ball bouncing on my anus

I just gave birth to a nice brown bundle of...joy.

Prevent Poo-llution

Omega Pools

I keep seeing these signs at streetlights advertising Omega Pools up in my area. The immature part of me wants to take a black marker to scratch out some letters and leave it saying MEGA POO.

Here it comes.

After a 3-day dry spell, my bowels finally decided to let the brown flow. I felt the all too familiar pang in the afternoon and thought to myself, "YES! HERE IT COMES!". Expecting to give birth to spectacular twins (or Siamese twins), I was deeply disappointed when all that came out was a silent toot and a regular sized turd. But a couple of hours later after my coffee break, I had to literally run back to the loo. Two words: soft serve. It also left me with a burning sensation.
I think I've been unlucky in the poo department lately.

I'm a hands-on kinda person.

I was having such a good day and then I go to the washroom and end up getting shit on my hand.
Thanks.

Ribfest

My poo-poo today reeked like the half rack I consumed yesterday. Those ribs apparently won a few trophies for best sauce in previous years. [Insert joke about butt sauce here.]

Edit: I keep smelling crap. I hope I didn't shit myself.