:(

Owwwwww, my anus.
I shouldn't have waited so long to poop.

Edit: I forgot to mention that Matt also punched me in the ass. Jerk.

Evacuate

The fire alarm went off at work this morning. And then almost immediately, I had these sharp pains in my stomach telling me to head to the crapper. I had a feeling it was going to be a rank one so I dodged into the accessible washroom for privacy. There weren't any disabled employees on our floor anyway. I almost ripped my button off anxiously trying to pull my pants down. Oh it was coming and it was coming quick. I was right about it being rank. It looked disgusting too. An almost liquid Type 6. Mustard yellow. It just oozed out of me. I had to wipe quite a few times too. The whole time I was shitting the alarm was still going off and I prayed that we didn't have to evacuate the building. Just as I was zipping up, building management announced that everything was under control.
There was no fire. But my asshole sure as hell burned.

Booyah

A few minutes ago, I pinched out a Type 4, 10-incher. It was very dense with good thickness and colour and the moisture content was juuuust about right. It wasn't stinky either. And no mess. It basically just slid out of my rectum and into the toilet bowl like a fat, lazy turd. Oh wait, it is a fat, lazy turd. Two flushes finished it off - the first flush didn't quite carry it down the hole because it was so long and the second whisked it away to doodie heaven. :)
It feels fantastic starting off my day with an A+ poop. Morning shits pretty much make or break my day.

Ow, My Bunghole

Oh lordy, I just squeezed out a massive brick. It was like Type 2 but way bigger.