Kegel Party

The morning after the keg party I shat twice and both times were unpleasant. I used up a lot of toilet paper as well. I don't think I had it that bad though. Sergio used the washroom in the afternoon and when I went to use it a couple of hours later, it still smelled.

Poonut Butter

What the heck, I only had two beers last night and it still felt like I was shitting out peanut butter.
There's going to be a keg tonight too...oh the dilemma!

Success

I just plopped a perfect poop.

Chocolate Hail

Relief! I just excreted a foot long that felt never-ending. It snaked out of my behind leaving me feeling pounds lighter. I thought this one was a success until I went to wipe. The stringy seaweed salad I consumed last night made itself visible again. Damn our inability to digest cellulose!
There was definitely a need to flush a second time because of the splatter I left in the bowl and I wanted to quickly get out of there before the next person coming in figured out the stench belonged to me. But when I was speedily trying to buckle up my pants, someone walked into the first stall (I always use the last one because of its powerful flushing capabilities). I got a little worried about the smell I just created until...I heard their bowels explode. You could tell they had been trying to hold it in for some time judging by the force of the sharts smacking against the porcelain. It was very loud. I had a feeling this person was desperately waiting for me to leave to destroy the toilet so I took my time in washing my hands and checking myself out in the mirror. Just as I was walking out the door she launched her bazooka once more. BLAOW!

Fartastic Voyage

After lunch, I got so gassy it was getting difficult to hold it in so I finally decided to go to the washroom to release. I thought I had lost it when I got there but when I sat down on the toilet, my butt blurted out loudly (with a squeak at the end too!). With my pants down, I couldn't help but lol. I'd have had a hard time *not* laughing if someone else was in there. After that, I managed to squeeze out a cute, petite turd. It had a rounded bottom and a pointy top!

I forgot how good Starbucks coffee tastes.
I also forgot how quick coffee makes me poo. But it was worth it.

Edit: Let the coffee farts commence!

Things That Make You Go Poooooooo

No dice in the doodie department lately. In the past two days, I've been getting nothing but berries of the dingle variety. Must increase fibre intake.