Face Down, Ass Up or Downward Dog

I just started doing yoga at home and the other day I let a loud one rip and lost my concentration from laughing so hard. That's why I would never take classes with other people. I would probably get kicked out immediately for not only my gaseous expulsions but also not being able to stay serious afterwards. Namaste?

Pooping pants

Begin repoort:

Subject reports that stool felt somewhat loose, but evacuation was otherwise not atypical.

Visual inspection revealed that stool was shaped like a pair of turdy brown pants; it appeared to consist of two cylindrical sections, or 'legs', that met at one end, the 'waist'.  

Stool was positioned with 'legs' pointing toward subject, 'waist' pointing away.  

Stool's form and position suggests that there were two points of exit, and that the two 'legs' converged post-expulsion.

Subject denies having secondary butthole adjacent to primary butthole.

Further investigation warranted.

End repoort.

Sargeant Splatter (I think I used this title already)

I just had sudden explosive diarrhea on a surface that doesn't normally touch feces. It was messy :(

NEW CHALLENGER

A five second shotgun of shit. The porcelain reservoir that houses my backlogged accounts needs prepping every time I sit on it. As I quickly wash down the seat with paper towel soaked in water and soap I think about how neuroses, cleanliness, minutia, pathos and eros are disguised in an excuse to not attain some sort of dick and ass disease one might procure from the germ-filled toilet seat. I sit. I push. I look at the walls: etchings, drawings, the modern day paintings of cave men lost in having to voice themselves. Witty remarks about the mundane followed by phone numbers offering head, drugs, good times, and wisdom. I flush it all down and wipe my ass with a moist paper. Twenty minutes of sanctuary and my right leg feels numb. Bad circulation. Overall good times had by all.

- Senor Franco

I'm (proudly) having some very audible and smelly farts today. I just want to high-five my dog every time I rip one because she's the only one around to experience them.

Hesher