How many licks does it take to get to the centre of the...

I had to force a giant Tootsie Roll out this morning and it tore my asshole just a teeny tiny bit. It hurt to wipe and it was one of those multi-wipe poops. I just gave up and showered and then put some petroleum jelly on my bum lips to soothe it. Maybe I should start shoving things up my rear to loosen it?