Auditory Laxative

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be contributing. To this blog's venerable founder, thank you for inspiring numerous people like myself to bravely approach, examine and discuss our poo.

Tonight, I was watching this Liam Kyle Sullivan video where a couple is seeing a sex therapist, and it was sort of funny, but then, towards the end, the couple starts listening to a CD of erotic stories read by a voice with a terrible Asian accent. I started laughing really hard. So hard that I was literally on the floor, holding my stomach, and trying to catch my breath. And I definitely almost crapped my pants.

It would have been really bad if I had, because I'm wearing boxers. You see, briefs have a sort of tightness, like a poor man's diaper, so a small amount of loose stool would hopefully have been safely housed within them. Boxers, however, just kind of hang, with no tightness; loose stool would not have been confined to my underpants, and would have instead quite possibly gotten my pants shitty all the way down the leg.

Fortunately, I did not crap my pants, and neither of these things happened. The last time I crapped my pants was probably when I was eight or nine, and I was playing Bingo with my sister Alison in the basement. She started calling out the numbers in, again, an Asian accent (something about racism targeting Asians really seems to tickle my funny bone, to poo-ejecting extremes), which caused me to laugh so hard that a little poo nugget escaped my bum, and tumbled down my pantleg and out onto the floor before I was able to race up the stairs to the toilet.
Come to think of it, I was wearing briefs. Oh shit. This completely negates my Poor Man's Diaper theory.

The aforementioned video is below. The part that made me almost poop myself begins at about 6:40.

#2 train

Mad Pooper

I just used the loo at work and noticed a dried-up poo smear on the wall.
Really ladies???

"I'm gonna BBM while I have a BM."

Lentil Diet

I took a fantastic shit today, thanks to the lentils I had for dinner AND lunch. Two long and girthy logs escaped my blowhole with minimum force. It felt refreshing.

Veggie Poo

I've been having the most ginormous turds lately because I've been on a little-to-no meat diet (thanks to the vegetarians I'm surrounded by). I let a huge one go just now and when I went to wipe, I thought, 'Yay, I got my period finally' but it turns out that the blood was from my anus. That giant log MADE ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD.
Anyway, I went to flush and the thing didn't even go down the first time. It just broke in half and got stuck. Pressed the button a second time and it barely made it through. Cowadunga, dude!

Record-Breaking

Mistaking menstrual cramps for poo pains, I can now see why it hurt as much as it did. I just took the largest shit I have ever taken in my life. It just snaked out of my cornhole with one push. It looked quite soft and delicate but still held together as it slipped into the water. My prize-winning poo resembled the big black dildo at 249 all of you have come to know and love (okay, just me).
Damn, I wish I had brought my camera with me.