Did not see that coming.

Wow, I did not just shit myself...

Poo Poo Patty

I don't know what I ate yesterday that caused my shit to come out looking like ground beef today. My stomach is crying.

Best friend

Poo Blame

I pooped at a house party the other day and the toilet wouldn't flush.
When I came out, I blamed the person that used it before me.

Wut?

Stink Bomb

I've been drinking so much beer lately and the farts that come the morning after are horrendous.
I hope this Extra-Strength Gas-X works.

Honk!

I just went to take a piss and let out the loudest tuba fart.
I wonder what the other people in the washroom thought about it.

How many licks does it take to get to the centre of the...

I had to force a giant Tootsie Roll out this morning and it tore my asshole just a teeny tiny bit. It hurt to wipe and it was one of those multi-wipe poops. I just gave up and showered and then put some petroleum jelly on my bum lips to soothe it. Maybe I should start shoving things up my rear to loosen it?