Like pissing out of my butthole

I think I'm slowly dying from the inside.

Another giant poop goes undocumented. Sigh.

HOLY SHIT

After taking the advice of the butt doctor, I've been increasing my daily consumption of fresh fruits and vegetables. My logs have been massive lately but today I broke the record for BIGGEST DUMP OF MY LIFE. It was (no exaggeration) at least 12 inches long and just slipped out of my rectal cavity with almost no force. I felt like a champion. My eyes widened in amazement when I saw it but I cursed myself for not bringing my cell phone with me to snap a pic.
BIGGEST REGRET OF MY LIFE.

Funky jazz

If you enjoy being bloated and farty all day, try this drink:
 

In it, there's spinach, broccoli, garlic, wheat grass, algae, kiwis, apples, bananas, pineapple, and MORE.

My ass sounds like a fucking trumpet right now.

Email from my brother

from:        I L
to:            J L
date:        Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 6:56 PM
subject:    poop

how's yours?

i took a big dump the other day and the log was so long that it could not twirl its way down.  i had to pour a lot of hot water on it to break it in half =/

Good Dog

Colonoscopy or this? I choose the latter.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I'm doing my rounds, and, uh, I'm a little behind."

 
The sigmoidoscopy only lasted about 5 minutes but I was in fetal position, wincing and trying to relax my breathing (and my asshole) the whole time. I let out a "Fuck!" when he stuck his finger up there right before the procedure.

Doctor said he didn't see anything unusual.
Then why the fuck am I bleeding?

His solution was to eat more fibre to soften my stools and then call him if the bleeding continues. I may have to do a full colonoscopy. I really really really do not want anything else inserted into my butt (maybe).