MY ASS WON'T STOP BLEEDING

My bowel movement produced a unique-looking turd today. Lengthy and snake-like and even tapered at the end. I struggled a bit to get it out but succeeded by rocking back and forth on the john and pushing at the same time. Yes, this is my method of discharge to help persuade my excrement to come out and play. It works, try it. When I turned around to take a look at my achievement, I have to admit I was delighted at the sight of it. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was covered in a bit of blood. Ugh. I hope the doctor fixes whatever is wrong with my ass tomorrow.